


Never is a strong word, but so is Goodbye

by beyondmyreach



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Gen, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Team Bonding, everything was fun and games until it suddenly wasn’t, please note the Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 00:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyondmyreach/pseuds/beyondmyreach
Summary: Tony was sprawled against him with his back against his chest, and from Steve’s vantage point over Tony’s shoulder, the arc reactor glowed so bright it shone upwards like a beacon, illuminating Tony’s face in sharp clinical blue. It should have made him seem ghastly, ghostly, but with Tony’s easy smile and loose-limbed ease as he took small sips from his glass of champagne throughout the night, all he felt was real and solid in Steve’s arms.In which the Avengers play Never Have I Ever, and everything was fun and games up until it suddenly wasn’t.





	Never is a strong word, but so is Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the amazing event @ironmanbigbang and for my artist @mangota. It was my first time participating in a Big Bang and I had an absolute blast thanks to them. Their arts for the fic are amazing and I’m so honored they chose to draw for this fic, so please check it out [here](https://mangota.tumblr.com/post/185372191184/iron-man-big-bang-2019-this-is-my-art-for)! 
> 
> Many thanks to @mangota and [Jam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/N7_Jam/pseuds/N7_Jam) for doing such an amazing job of beta-ing, and [Sou-chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iheartsenpai) for looking over it!

It was late, eleven pm, nearly midnight. JARVIS had lowered the lighting in the house to a mere five percent of its capability, leaving the lights of the New York City skyline to glow like stars in space through the glass walls of Stark Tower that stretched from floor to ceiling. The fireplace in the wall burned like the sun behind the heat-resistant glass, casting a warm glow over the Avengers sprawled in front of it and sending their shadows into a slow dance across the rug-covered floor.

It was the cool glow of Tony’s arc reactor that Steve was paying attention to, however. Tony was sprawled against him with his back pressed to his chest, and from Steve’s vantage point over Tony’s shoulder, the arc reactor glowed so bright it shone upwards like a beacon, illuminating Tony’s face in sharp clinical blue. It should have made him ghastly, ghostly, but with Tony’s easy smile and loose-limbed ease as he took small sips from his glass of champagne throughout the night, all he felt was real and solid in Steve’s arms.  

“Never have I ever jumped off a building higher than twenty-five feet without gear or equipment,” Natasha said, finally looking up from where she was idly running her hand through the plush rug. She picked up her glass and gave the amber liquid in it a swirl, a slow conspiring smile inviting them to share an inside joke on her face as she looked in Steve’s and Clint’s direction.

“Guilty as charged,” Steve admitted with a small smile, tilting his head in acquiescence at Natasha’s clever trap, before untangling his fingers from Tony’s to take a sip from his glass. The wine of Tony’s choice slid against his tongue like liquid nectar and down his throat. Steve had probably jumped out of the quinjet without a parachute one time too many, though in his defense, he knew his serum-enhanced body could handle it.

“Cheap shot!” Clint protested, emerging from where his entire body was sunk chest-deep into an adult-sized bean bag chair so only his head could be seen, and even without looking over, Steve could hear the pout in his voice. “C’mon, Tasha, Tony would’ve caught me.”

“He would’ve,” Natasha agreed, same sharp smile on her face, and it was all-too obvious that this was a battle Clint had lost even before he began to wage it, “if he could. But I’m not talking about that now, am I?”

“Oooh,” Tony said to him in a loud conspiring whisper, like a child watching two adults throw obscure barbs at each other with avid interest. Steve placed his hand over Tony’s mouth to hush him, and Tony let out a smothered laugh and pressed a kiss to Steve’s palm before settling down again.

At Natasha’s words, Clint made a face like he had bitten a particularly sour grape. He twisted in Tony’s direction for help, but Steve squeezed Tony’s hand warningly before he could open his smart aleck mouth. There was a mild look in Natasha’s eyes that Steve wouldn’t dare cross, much less than want Tony to.

“But Steveeee!” Tony whined like a child, and Steve pulled him closer, trapping Tony’s arms beneath his own, and pressed his lips against Tony’s ear. “No, Tony,” Steve said, and smiled as he shuddered.

“That’s dirty, Steve,” Tony said, slipping an arm free of Steve’s hold to reach back. Tony's hand enveloped the base of Steve’s neck and Steve went, leaning down to meet him halfway as Tony leveraged himself up, despite knowing it was probably nothing good, not with that mischievous look in Tony’s eyes.

Tony tilted his head up, breath washing against Steve’s ear as he whispered like a secret, “I like it,” and Steve’s ears and face flushed red.

When Tony pulled back, there was a satisfied smug sparkle in his eyes that said he knew exactly his effect on Steve. There was also a sweet smile lingering at the corner of his mouth and at that, Steve could only wryly smile back.  

“Sorry, bud,” Tony said, turning to Clint, convincingly apologetic except for the faint notes of laughter waltzing in the background of his voice. “I would have helped, but Cap vetoed. Blame him, not me.”

“Uh huh,” Clint said, unconvinced, looking between Tony’s smug expression and Steve’s still-red, most likely besotted expression. “Sure you can’t veto his veto?”

“Nope,” Tony said with a grin, without a pause and popping his ‘p’, and Steve wanted to take Tony by the chin and kiss him right then and there as Clint sighed, drooping into himself.

Tony glanced back at Steve with a wide grin spilling into laughter, so beautiful and bright, and Steve couldn’t resist darting forward and pecking Tony on the lips. Natasha raised an eyebrow and Clint rolled his eyes as he turned away. “Thor, Bruce, a little help here?” Clint asked.

Bruce and Thor were sitting next to each other with their heads lowered together, so close they were almost touching. The black curls of Bruce’s brushed against Thor’s straight blond hair, a lovely contrast highlighting and enhancing the other’s individual traits, and their gazes were concentrated and bright as the fire’s light flickered across their faces like a caress.

Bruce was saying something to Thor, audible to Steve only because of his serum-enhanced hearing, and even then, he couldn’t understand what Bruce was saying. He was speaking in another language, something South American, Steve wanted to say, maybe a specific region’s dialect, but he couldn’t be sure.

Thor understood though, eyes fixed on Bruce’s face as he talked, nodding and inputting his own thoughts occasionally in the same dialect, but mostly just listening with a soft smile like he would be content just looking at and listening to Bruce all night long. Bruce spoke with a small smile accompanied by little animated gestures that he’d stop as soon as he noticed them but which Thor encouraged, and with every input and encouragement and continued interest that Thor showed, Bruce’s smile widened just a little and then so did Thor’s.

“They’re adorable, aren’t they?” Tony mock-whispered to Natasha. Natasha glanced over at Thor and Bruce, who both jerked up upon Clint calling them, and then heads that were already close in proximity collided.  

“Arg!” Bruce winced as he fell, clenching at his own head. Thor immediately hovered over him, hands opening and closing like he wanted to do something but didn’t know what. Bruce’s skin flashed green for a second, but then he took a deep breath in and then out, and the moment passed.

Thor settling a careful hand on Bruce’s arm might have helped.

“Are you okay, Bruce?” Thor asked, offering a hand to him. “My apologies, I did not mean to bump into you.”

Bruce accepted Thor’s extended hand, his eyes widening just a little as Thor effortlessly pulled him up to a sitting position, before he looked away with a smile. “Thank you, Thor,” he said, looking back at him with wryly quirked lips. “Though, if anything, I think I bumped into you.”

Thor smiled. “All is forgiven, my friend,” he said, and Bruce’s smile warmed. Thor’s gaze flickered to their joined hands, which Bruce seemed to have yet notice Thor had yet to let go, and Thor voiced only after a moment of hesitation, “If it is all right with you, Bruce, may I have the honor of keeping your hand as per the custom of Midgard -- Earth?”

Bruce looked down at their joined hands, startled, and then back at Thor, who held his gaze warmly and earnestly with just the faintest trace of trepidation, and then Bruce nodded. “It would be my honor, Thor.”

“Super cute,” Tony insisted at Natasha and looked up at Steve for validation when Natasha refused to indulge him. “Right?”

Steve nodded, both because he couldn’t deny Tony and because he was right; Thor and Bruce were cute together. Tony beamed at him, and over his shoulders, only Steve noticed a slow smile curled acrossed Natasha’s face as she watched Thor and Bruce. Noticing his gaze, Natasha placed a vertical finger before her lips, her smile unwavering as she tilted her head in Tony’s direction, and Steve hid a laugh.

“Guys, congrats on your newfound relationship, but let’s focus here,” Clint interjected. Bruce’s face flushed pink while Thor looked on him fondly. “Ever jumped off a building higher than twenty-five feet without any gear or equipment, ‘tasha asked. Well, you’ll have to drink now. Cheat shot, right?!”

“Ahh, indeed,” Thor said, and Clint turned to Natasha in triumph. “We have been playing the venerable game of Never Have I Ever, have we not? Apologies. I have been…” Thor glanced over at Bruce and his gaze softened when he found Bruce already looking at him. “... pleasantly distracted. Seeing as I have indeed jumped off a distance greater than twenty-five human feet, I will drink now.”

Thor took the tankard of Asgardian mead that he had brought back to Earth and poured himself a generous glass, grinning as he chugged it down. Clint groaned in the background upon Thor’s nonresistance against what he saw as Natasha’s cheap shot. “Natasha is a fine warrior indeed, to have taken so many of us down in one swoop. A toast in your honor, may I?”

Thor poured another cup of golden Asgardian mead and extended it to Natasha in offering.

Natasha’s smile widened.

“She’s smiling!!” Tony hissed to Steve in mock-surprise and delight, shaking Steve’s arm excitedly, and Steve’s laugh spilled over as he tried to admonished, “Tony!”

“Thank you, Thor,” Natasha answered, ignoring small commotion Tony and Steve were making. “But maybe later.” She glanced at him through her eyelashes, head tipped down almost demurely, Steve would say, if it didn’t seem more like a lure of a trap. “The goal here is to get other people plastered, as you’ve realized, Thor,” Natasha said softly. “Getting me plastered right now certainly won’t save Bruce from his fate.”

Thor’s smile, broad and friendly, only widened with Natasha’s. “I had to try to save my love from those indeterminable foul beans, Natasha.”

“Or maybe,” Clint interjected from his bean bag chair, “you can argue Bruce didn’t fit the Never Have I Ever condition.”

Thor, Natasha, and even Bruce gave him a deadpan look. “Okay, okay, I see how it is. I’ll show myself out now,” Clint said. “I see I’m not welcome here.”

Natasha ignored Clint and inclined her head towards Thor. “You have saved him, Thor. You can take this round for Bruce, if you’d like, and eat the Jelly Bean of Indeterminable Flavor since Bruce doesn’t drink. Bruce can spin the wheel for you.”

“Is she allowed to do that?” Tony whispered loudly to Steve. “Just change the game like that?” Natasha turned to him before Steve could reply.

“You said something, Stark?” Natasha asked, smile welcoming and warm. There was a glint in her eyes.

Tony froze in Steve’s arms. “Nope. Absolutely not, no, I _never_. Nope.” As soon as Natasha turned away, Tony whispered to Steve, “Thank you for stopping me before.”

“You’re welcome,” Steve replied with a laugh.

“You don’t have to do this, Thor,” Bruce said after spinning the wheel. It had landed on black and Thor had picked up a small black jelly bean among all the black ones that looked and smelled exactly the same. The taste, however, would be another story.

“I’ll be happy to, Bruce,” Thor said. He looked at the small jelly bean, dwarfed between his warrior-calloused fingers, with grim determination, most likely recalling all of Bruce’s past horrified reactions whenever he chose wrong, and then tossed it into his mouth and chewed.

“See, I’m fine,” he said to Bruce with a smile twenty seconds later, half-gallon of Asgardian mead gulped down and another half-gallon spilled down his shirt and onto the floor in his haste to reach it. Thor grimaced and shook his head, rubbing his jaw in an attempt to shake off the lingering skunk taste as four Roombas swarmed up and sucked up the spilled Asgardian mead on the floor, each singing a happy celebratory song just a little off beat from each other. “Midgardians play potent games to pass time.”

Tony cackled. “Oh, this is the best,” he said, as a Roomba, after cleaning the spill on the floor, attempted to climb up Thor’s leg to reach his dripping shirt. The rest of the Roombas circled Thor eagerly, ready to pounce on the next drop of Asgardian mead that would fall to the rug from his shirt.

Steve sighed and tilted his head up towards the ceiling, ignoring the inviting wink or smile that Steve knew was blooming across Tony’s face. Despite the many times Tony told Steve that contrary to popular belief, JARVIS was not confined inside the ceiling because he was _Stark Tower itself, Steve,_ he still had the habit of looking up whenever he talked to him.

“JARVIS? Please call the Roombas off,” he said, as seriously as he could manage. There was something hilarious about Thor trying to thank and calm the overeager Roombas from trying to eat his shirt.

Natasha turned to Clint expectantly as the Roombas left the room as dejected as robotically possible. He opened his mouth, presumably to protest, but nothing came out. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to argue after everyone else had taken the shot, and Clint scowled before jerking his glass to his lips. Just as he was about to take a sip, he lowered it again. “Wait, Tasha. _Budapest._ ”

He nearly spilled the contents of his glass as he slammed it against the carpeted ground and flipped himself to a sitting position in one move, leaning towards Natasha with great intensity. “There’s no way you made it to the ground-floor shootout unless you made a jump like that!”

Natasha swirled the champagne in her glass, not a single falter or tell in her movement. Finally, her gaze flicked to Clint. “But did you see me make the jump?” she asked, and as Clint gaped at her, she turned away and lifted her glass to her lips, head and neck arching gracefully as she took a sip, and it was almost enough to hide the smile playing at her lips, but not quite.   

It was as good as any admission.

Clint’s lips reluctantly kicked up to a smile. His shoulders, previously bunched with tension, lowered as he reached down to pick up his abandoned glass, and they did not come back up as he lifted his glass and took his penalizing sip for the round.

Steve caught Tony’s hand just as it was untangling from his own to reach for his glass. “What are you doing?” Steve murmured against Tony’s hair, catching a strong whiff of grease from Tony working on his motorbike a few hours prior. “It’s not even the next round yet.”

“Well, Captain Rogers,” Tony drawled, tilting his head back towards Steve with a teasing lilt, “as much as I am an opportunistic businessman of this Capitalistic society, even I have some morals when it comes to this venerable game of Never Have I Ever. And seeing as the previous statement applies to me,” Tony continued, snaking his hand out from Steve’s hold and towards his glass again, “I will drink to it now.”

Steve’s heart and mind came to a screeching halt, any previous good feelings evaporating in a flash, leaving him terribly cold. “You did it before?” he asked, and he didn't know how his voice ended up sounding normal when all there was in his mind were horrible images of Tony falling to his death. Steve would have been okay; he had his serum to protect him. Natasha had her training, and Clint as well when Tony couldn't get there in time with his Iron Man suit to catch him. Thor had Mjölnir and Bruce had the Hulk, but Tony? Tony was terribly vulnerable, very human and susceptible to being hurt.

“Yeah,” Tony said, lowering his glass with a grin curling his lips. It dimmed just a little as he caught sight of Steve’s expression. “Hey,” he said, letting go of his glass in favor of cupping Steve’s face with his hand. Steve leaned into it. He wanted to catch Tony’s hand, hold him in his arms, and never let go. “What is it? I’m whole and fine, aren’t I? Not even a wear or tear from it, Steve.”

Steve pressed his lips together, not trusting himself to speak. As much as Tony seemed frivolous with his own safety, he always calculated and weighed the risks before he jumped. Steve knew that, he knew, but he had also worked with Tony on the battlefield and sometimes - too often, Steve would like to argue - Tony would see an acceptable risk to his own person where others absolutely would not.

“Tell me why you jumped?” Steve requested, and Tony smiled his showman smile, beautiful and glamorous, and no less sincere for that.

“I was saving the president,” Tony said, turning with a flourish to include the rest of the group, who had been patiently waiting for their conversation to play out. Natasha caught Steve’s eyes as he followed Tony’s movement and tilted her head to the side in camaraderie, a shared ‘what can you do about it’ shrug of exasperated fondness. “I was thirty, forty feet off the ground and had to jump to avoid a blast from Extremis-crazed minions. JARVIS caught me with a suit well before I was anywhere close to the ground, and then I went to beat some fiery asses and save the day.”  

Steve looked up at JARVIS for confirmation.  

“Indeed, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS intoned from the speakers mounted discreetly in the ceiling. It was almost like talking to the building itself. “At the time, Sir already had utilized nano bots to enable the suits to home in on whoever it was coded for and be deployed on command. It was well into its testing stage when Sir had made the leap of faith. There was certainly no need to worry when the suits’ success homing rate was at a solid 75 percent.”

“JARVIS!” Tony hissed, as Steve said, “Tony, _75 percent?!_ That’s a whole 25 percent chance that your suit might not have caught you when you leapt and -”

_And then that would be it. You’d be gone._

Steve snapped his mouth shut, unable to say the rest, unwilling to imagine a world where Tony could have died and Steve wasn’t there to help. A world where Steve wasn’t there to save him and Tony wasn’t by his side.

Tony pulled away from Steve to face him fully and look him in the eye. The space that Tony vacated sapped all warmth from him, and Steve held back the instinctive need to pull him back.

“I’m fine, Steve,” Tony said softly but firmly, willing him to believe. “Don’t do this. All of us have said that we’ve jumped before, Steve, that’s just part of the job. We’re still here with each other, drinking and relaxing, and that’s all that matters, right?”

Steve let out a breath. Tony was right, Steve was even the first to admit that he jumped before. He could worry about Tony’s safety, but he could not hold him back from making his own choices. “I’m sorry,” Steve said, and Tony shook his head.

“Love you too, Capsicle,” he said, right before he leaned forward and drew Steve down into a dizzying kiss. There might have been a few whistles and chuckles, and maybe the sound of a camera snapshotting, but all Steve could focus on right now was Tony’s warmth against his.

“So,” Tony said with a grin when they parted. Steve reached out and cupped Tony’s face, which was surprisingly warm and red, despite Tony having only taken sips throughout the night, not to mention his normally high tolerance for alcohol. “Shh,” Tony said. “So it’s finally going through my system.”

“Do you have a fever?” Steve asked, trying to push his panic down, even though he couldn’t remember Tony ever mentioning or displaying any signs of sickness and his symptoms aligned with a reaction to alcohol more than anything else.

“Hmm, nope,” Tony said. “Good guess. Don’t yell at me, but I mighta just been sipping on some of Thor’s mead.”

“Thor’s mead - !” Steve remembered the last time he drank some of the Asgardian mead and how just a few cups could make even him drunk. He should have realized that wouldn’t be the end of it when he stopped Tony from trying it last time. “Tony!”

“Ah, that explains how little and slowly you drank tonight,” Clint interjected with a mischievous grin, from one troublemaker with no sense of self-preservation or common sense to the next. “So how is it?”

“I’ve had better, no offense, Thor,” Tony said. He grinned a little lopsided. “Though, boy, is it strong. The last time I felt this drunk was back in my early MIT days when I spent the whole night drinking.” Tony yawned. “Anyway, since I’m getting sleepy and Steve is getting frowny, we’re gonna have to wrap this up.” Tony rolled his neck. “Last one standing wins. Never have you ever installed a pole in the middle of your private jet.”

“Never have you ever?” Natasha said with eyebrows raised.

“Yup. If you’d never, drink. If you have, watch others drink and laugh. I’ve done too much as a genius billionaire philanthropist to lose at this game.”

“Cheat!” Clint called, grinning. “You’re lucky I want to try this Asgardian mead.” Clint made a _gimme_ gesture at Thor, and he handed Clint a cup of mead with relish. “To the stripper pole in the middle of Tony’s private jet!”

“To the private jet!” Thor exclaimed, despite having no idea what that meant. He knocked glasses with Clint.

“Jets,” Tony corrected, as they both tossed their drinks back. Clint promptly crumbled to the ground and Thor let out a blissful sigh as he said, “Another!”

“Multiple jets, I just want to say,” Tony continued.

“And he’s out,” Natasha said wryly. Her lips quirked as the four Roombas from before zoomed up to Clint’s body, circling it with great curiosity and chitter. Natasha stood and walked over, and the Roombas parted before her, lining up like soldiers before their sergeant. “Thank you for your service, but it’s not necessary for now. We’ll call when you are needed.”

Roombas can’t nod, Steve knew, but if they could, he was sure that was what they were eagerly doing before leaving the room again.

“How long do you think he’ll be out?” Natasha asked, poking Clint in the shoulder. He didn’t even twitch. “Thor, we can use your mead as a weapon.”

“Such a splendid compliment, Natasha. I’d be sure to pass it to the Royal Brewer,” Thor said.

“You do that,” Natasha responded dryly, before grabbing Clint by his shirt and heaving him over to his bean bag chair. She deposited him on it, chest down and head hanging off in case he threw up. She went over to her spot by the fireplace, picked up her glass of champagne, and took a sip as she walked back to the bean bag chair and took a seat next to Clint. “Now, where were we?”

Bruce held up his spun wheel and the jelly bean that he chose, trepidation in his expression as he looked at it. A great weight seemed to have slid off of him when he tossed it into his mouth and nothing happened.

“Lucky, Brucie Bear,” Tony said, before looking at Steve expectantly. “Steve? Mead or champagne?”

Steve glanced at his empty glass. “Champagne,” he said, flicking Tony on his nose. “Someone has to look after you.”

Tony grinned as he poured Steve his champagne.

And so the night went on, until only Tony, Steve, and Natasha remained. Thor and Bruce had both retired for the night, Bruce when he thought he could not eat another disgusting jelly bean without Hulking out, and Thor because it seemed like even gods’ alcoholic tolerance had a limit. Tony was more than a little tipsy at that point, Steve was beginning to feel sleepy, and even Natasha looked a little pink. Clint had thrown up once throughout the night and at that moment, Steve had never seen anything as horrifying as a mob of Roombas descending on Clint’s vomit. Natasha kindly thank them afterward and they somehow managed to fetch and deliver a glass of water to Natasha for Clint on her behest.  

“I’m going to call it a night after this,” Steve said when he thought it had gone on long enough.

“But Steveeee,” Tony whined, but Steve wouldn’t budge.

“No, Tony,” Steve said, softly but firmly. “Let’s play one normal round of Never Have I Ever, and then we’ll go to sleep, alright?”

“But I’m a genius billionaire philanthropist, Stevee,” Tony said, throwing his arms up to Steve’s shoulders and almost hitting himself in the face. “There’s nothing I’ve never done.”

“Didn’t seem to have trouble thinking of something before,” Natasha murmured, but Tony “Shhhh”ed loudly, as though to drown her out. Natasha rolled her eyes and exchanged a look with Steve.

Steve smiled wryly, and looked from Clint sprawled chest-down on the bean bag chair and back at Tony barely able to sit up straight. “If you can’t think of something, we can end the game right now,” Steve teased.

“Noooooo,” Tony cried, slumping against Steve. Steve placed a steadying hand against his back. “Waiiiit. There’s something. I think there’s something.”

There was a snap and when Steve glanced over, he caught a flash of Natasha putting away her camera.

“I’ll send you a copy,” Natasha negotiated, and Steve chuckled.

“Please do. I’d ask JARVIS, but I’m not sure how much Tony is willing to share,” Steve said. “Especially of this.”

“Sir would say it depends on his mood and the position of the stars,” JARVIS intoned from above and Steve laughed.  

“Oooh, I got it!” Tony said excitedly, and Steve turned to him with an indulgent smile. “I got it!  Never have I ever said goodbye to my father before he died!”

Steve’s smile faded, and so did Natasha’s.

“Steve? Natasha?” Tony said, looking between them, and he yelped as Steve bodily picked him up.

“Time for bed, Tony,” Steve said, holding him tight in his arms. _Never have I ever said goodbye to my father before he died_ , Tony had said. His heart ached.

“Ooooh,” Tony said, wiggling his eyebrows at him and Steve ignored his suggestive tone.

“Sorry, Natasha,” Steve said, turning to her. “I would help clean up, but -”

Natasha waved him off. “Go. We both have dumbasses to take care of.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, as Tony declared, “I resent being called a dumbass, though I do have a fantastic ass!”

“You drank too much, Tony,” Steve sighed as he brought him up to his room and settled him onto his bed a few minutes later. He took off Tony’s shoes and dropped them onto the floor, despite knowing that he would hear about those _thousand dollar shoes that didn’t deserve to be manhandled that way, Steve_ , with barely hidden laughter in the morning. He pulled the blanket over Tony and tucked him in. “Go to sleep now,” Steve said, kissing him on the forehead. “We can talk tomorrow morning.”

Tony grabbed Steve’s arm just as he was about to leave. “Don’t go,” he said, sitting up, a sad whine in his voice. He pushed his face into Steve’s stomach and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist like a monkey. “Don’t go, Steve.”

“You’re not in your right mind right now, Tony,” Steve said helplessly, unsure how to reject Tony’s advance without hurting his feelings.

“I resent that,” Tony murmured against Steve’s shirt. He hiccuped. “I’ve never been in more of a mind right.”

“Tony,” Steve said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. His shirt where Tony had plastered his face against was slowly getting wet. “Tony? Tony, look at me.”

“No,” Tony said petulantly, tightening his hold on Steve’s waist.

Steve hesitated for a second, before saying, “Is this about Howard?”, even though he already knew the answer.

“No,” Tony repeated, but he wasn’t as good at controlling his body language while drunk. The sudden tension in his shoulders and arms was a dead giveaway. “Not everything is about him. Why should it be? Who is he, really, that stupid old man who went and -” He choked. “- _died._ ” Tony’s body slumped against him, as though he couldn’t hold himself up anymore. “I never told him goodbye. I never told him goodbye. I hated him, but he was my _dad_ , Steve _.”_ Tony’s hand tightened against Steve’s back to a painful degree. _“_ That was the last time we were all together, and I was so mad at him that I ignored them as they left. I never told them that I love them, never said goodbye, and _god, I wish I had_.”

Steve pulled Tony close to him, as close as possible and then closer, crushing Tony against him, and Tony did the same, arms and body trembling from the force of his sobs, each holding on so tight as though afraid the other would disappear. “I love you, Tony,” Steve said. “I love you so much and” - the sun was slowly coming up, illuminating the room with clarity - “I’m sorry.”

Tony pulled away from Steve and looked up. His eyes were red, his face was a mess, but his expression was serene, kind. He didn’t say anything as he disappeared in pixels.

 

Steve fell to his knees in the white replica of the room and took off the glasses. Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing, which Tony had started working on the morning after that night, and which enabled him to hijack the hippocampus to clear traumatic memory.

Steve just wanted to see Tony again. He just wished he had told Tony.

“I loved you, Tony, I really did,” he cried, violent sobs wracking his body. In the background, the breaking news ran, as it had for the past two days. “Forgive me, Tony, forgive me. I didn’t mean to.”

_Tony Stark Found Frozen To Death In Siberia, Iron Man Suit Failed After Crushing Blow To Arc Reactor_

“I’m so sorry.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Anddddd, I'm sorry too. It was fun to write and then it just became heartbreaking at the end. 
> 
> [@mangota and my IMBB masterpost](https://beyond-myreach.tumblr.com/post/185372634488/never-is-a-strong-word-but-so-is-goodbye)  
> [@mangota 's two amazing art pieces](https://mangota.tumblr.com/post/185372191184/iron-man-big-bang-2019-this-is-my-art-for).
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
